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to embrace chaos

When I was growing up, my father was frugal. By time I reached adulthood, frugal had shifted into cheap, and not too long after that, fallen right off the cliff into stingy.

And I hated it.

We often grow up to emulate or to oppose our parental figures and in that one particular area, and it is one of many flaws, I went 100% oppositional. It comes out in different ways, but mostly, it comes out in one:

I enjoy a good party.

And by good party, I want high-priced single malt scotch flowing from taps, I want to jeroboams of champagne, endless, lavish dishes, crystal and gold and silver, precious things on precious people–

Oh, I believe in the excess when it comes to a good party.

That’s why this latest song by Robbie Williams, Party Like A Russian, has struck such a chord in me. I’ve been mending my excessive ways in the past few years, but this little ditty, hmm…

People think I like it for the in-the-face political puns, but they have no idea. The puns are amusing, but they are secondary to me. It is the set, the scene, the underlying message of being able to do whatever you want at whatever cost

We spend so many of our days keeping ourselves under control. I spent so many days in my childhood quiet and contained.

Just one day to do whatever I wanted with no consequences, no limitations, nothing holding me back, to embrace the chaos…

“I live like an oligarch.”



About Quinn

In it but not of it. A reformed player, now watcher. Speaker of raw truths.


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Raison d’etre

"Raw," she said. "I want something primal. I want something bare and naked. I want you to give me this life raw, unbidden, unhidden, free, fair, and true. Can you do that? Can you do that for me?"

One may only try.

October 2016
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