Last year, I was in a crazy, desperate, terrible and terrifying place.
And it was wonderful, in retrospect, for my perfect world to be pushed askew; for all of my foundations to be shaken, my closely held truths to be put to the test, my faith to be fashioned into a punching bag for Reality.
That said, I have much gratitude that this year is not ending like the previous one. If it were, obviously I would not have learned anything (and I did), and it would have been unnecessarily cruel (of which, real life, I find is rarely so).
Regardless, there is much that has happened and much to be said:
- The demise of an old relationship (the earth was salted and burned)
- The start of a new one (and it continues)
- The consideration of a non-started one (I will always regret the circumstances which kept us apart)
- The denouement of a closely held old best friendship (we could not bridge our sudden, terrible divide)
- The start of many new friendships, personal and professional (I am ever grateful)
This year, I feel that I tore my world apart and remade it, not in my image — no, like any protagonist in a Greek tragedy, hubris was my downfall — but in the image of someone, something:
- more honest, but softer and yet more direct
- humbled, but head unbowed
I have no complaints to take with me into 2015 — I am at peace; I am free.
I have no grudges to bear with me into 2015 — my yoke is light, my load does not exist.
I have no regrets to bring to 2015 — I have lived 2014 both honestly and true.
My life was not perfect. I had more than one loss this year, personal and professional; I had more than one setback this year, also personal and professional, but those losses do not define me. Those things, those failures of living cannot destroy me or make me feel, worse yet, be, lesser than I am capable of.
All of me, all of who I am, is ready, is aimed towards, and will light 2015 afire with my energy, my talents, my hope, my faith, and my strength.
Goodbye, 2014, and Hello, 2015.
[I’m coming for you]