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Closets and boxes and coffins

We should stop calling them closets and start calling them what they truly are: coffins.

Sometimes I am at a loss with how to sympathize with someone who is having closet issues because I was never, ever completely “in the closet”. I get that this is a troublesome, painful, and difficult situation to be in; I understand that there can be huge, perhaps even grave, risks to coming out. But, on the flipside, I know two things: 1) The closet is just a fancy box with doors and 2) Boxes can kill you.

They can eat you alive. They can suffocate you. They can break every single part of your soul. Your physical form may be up and walking around, outside, alive, but a box, a closet, will kill you inside and that’s what matters: who you are, how alive you are, inside.

I have already admitted that I once tried to be straight – and when I say once, I mean I cycled through a few times – none of this was because I was ashamed of being gay. I just recognized that it would be easier for my family, easier for me religiously (as in being in the closet made it possible for me to remain religious) if I either found a guy or shut down sexually. I understand why the closet can feel like a viable option.

The operative word there is feel. It may feel like a viable option but don’t be fooled, it is not. It is a coffin made for the living dead. And, if you get in there, voluntarily or not, you will have cut yourself off from having a full life.

What is a full life? Here is what it is not:

  • Making your friends and/or family feel better about their choices or religion
  • Getting a promotion or a specific job
  • Making other people happy at the expense of your own contentment, just basic contentment here, and ease of life
  • Hiding who you are and what music, bands, books, shows, magazines, celebrities, or events that you like
  • Hiding who you love or who you want to love

And if it’s about religion or faith, just remember, we all, individually, stand before our God. Make your choice.

Now, here’s what a full life is:

  • Waking up every day and being comfortable in your own skin
  • Spending it with people, whoever they may be and whatever they may be to you, with whom you can be open and honest
  • Not feeling the need to rebel with a style of dress or way of being that doesn’t reflect who you are just to make a statement
  • Not being a statement or a cause or a half-person
  • Simply breathing, in and out, and being
  • Living your life, unapologetic and unashamed

Boxes weren’t made for that. Coffins are about the dead.

Let the dead bury the dead, but you? You, start living your life.


About Quinn

In it but not of it. A reformed player, now watcher. Speaker of raw truths.


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Raison d’etre

"Raw," she said. "I want something primal. I want something bare and naked. I want you to give me this life raw, unbidden, unhidden, free, fair, and true. Can you do that? Can you do that for me?"

One may only try.

January 2014
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