“She liked one of my photos from more than 5 weeks ago!” “She blushed when I said hello.” “She coughed really prettily at me.” Have you ever found yourself reading into and analyzing behaviors to determine if they were ‘signs of romantic interest’? Be honest. Don’t lie. You have, you know you have, I have, and you know what I say to all of that?
We are NOT sign language interpreters!
Please, women (and men) around the world, especially women who date other women, let’s stop doing a few things:
1. Do not confuse “romance” with “mysterious clues from the Ancient Mayans in consort with The Illuminati and rogue Free Masons”–of course, subtlety doesn’t hurt, but if I wanted to be Indiana Jones or a grandmaster chess player, well, I’d be doing that instead of trying to date you.
2. Life is not a rom-com. It plays great on the big screen but sucks on the small screen, read: real-life, if I’m always in search of a “meet-cute” moment, trying to make sandcastles in the cream of your espresso, and am expected to break out in song at random moments as the woodland creatures anthropomorphize into my chorus. Really! It sucks and I can’t sing.
3. Being direct is not unladylike. In fact, it’s a sign (ha! pun intended) that you are a powerful, incredible woman. Know what you want and say it. Also, know what you don’t want and say that too. Stop waiting to be swept off your feet or for things to go away or–simply, stop waiting and start saying. Start doing. I, personally, will love and respect you more for as would anyone who is truly worthy of you.
4. Conversely, don’t be a gift from God. Because you’re not. Nor am I am. Well, okay, that’s a lie, we are but there is no need to act like it! Let’s be forgiving so that we can be forgiven when we fall short. There are no heroes or villains outside of novels and talkies. There are just human beings, naked and struggling along. Giving and receiving second, even third, chances is not a lack of pride, it’s not shameful or sad or pathetic, it’s the exact opposite. It’s brave and it’s strong and it’s beautiful. Let’s get over ourselves and find a little empathy, okay?
5. Lastly, repetitively, but needs to be emphasized, no joke, life is not a Dan Brown novel! Stop leaving clues. Stop picking up clues! You are not messing with forces greater than you nor should you try. Put away that ouija board and Jumanji was sort of a crappy movie. Voodoo dolls are a violation punishable at The Hague, you know, the International Court of Human Rights! So, let’s get real, she liked that picture from 5 weeks ago, here is the translation:
a) she was trolling like a little creeper
b) it was a cool pic
That’s it. You didn’t need another 400 pages to figure that out, now did you?
Don’t get on the plane to Paris. Instead, I don’t know, maybe ask the girl out? At minimum, you’ll save on the plane fare versus a really nice night out.