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letters to you

Letters to You: Why

Darling Heart,

I want a partner because I can sit with her and share silly gossip. I can talk about my love of Snooki, my disastrous relationship with MTV, and how I desperately want to kidnap every single contestant of Teen Mom, strap them down to a virtual reality machine, and take them through life pre-baby and post-baby and teach them why Teen Mom is not a life aspiration.

And she’ll laugh, maybe roll her eyes at me, perhaps scold, but won’t love me any less. Or judge me as I probably ought to be judged.

We’re in it, this life, together. It’s okay.

I want a partner because I can talk her into playing hooky with me on a lovely spring afternoon; too early for the simmering summer hordes but late enough for the orchid show to be on at the Botanical Gardens, the cherry blossoms to be in bloom, and that subtle musk of life, beginning and becoming, to be permeating the air.

Spring is for lovers and it will be for us. And she will play hooky and love it despite her reasonable and responsible protestations.

We’re in it, this life, together. It’s okay.

I want a partner because for the first time in my life I don’t need one. My yearning isn’t to fill a hole, it’s to build something. My desire isn’t to be satisfied, it’s to share satisfaction.

I want someone who invades my space with impunity. I want someone who accidentally bumps into me while walking down the street and I draw closer, not away. I want someone who eats my olives and leaves me the last bit of prosciutto on the house board.

I don’t need it, though, and that’s the most important thing. For need makes you desperate and reckless; stupid and heedless.

But want? Want makes you hungry in the best way possible. Want makes you earn it and work towards it and cherish it.

I want a partner. I want you.
(We’ll be in it, in this life, together. It will be okay).

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About Quinn

In it but not of it. A reformed player, now watcher. Speaker of raw truths.

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Raison d’etre

"Raw," she said. "I want something primal. I want something bare and naked. I want you to give me this life raw, unbidden, unhidden, free, fair, and true. Can you do that? Can you do that for me?"

One may only try.

April 2013
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