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Bearing Witness

Each disorder is different.
Each dis-order is different (dissimilar).
Each, each one in each person, it, this dis-order, this dis-ease (lack of ease) is different, not the same, unique.

Group statistics and observations give trends and indicators but do not:
a) paint a specific path towards recovery and health
b) give the magical, fix-all secret
c) provide a guarantee of recovery
d) explain definitively why
e) all of the above

The answer is e) all of the above, and I need to drum that into my head. I’ve been driving myself mad thinking about madness: anxiety, bipolar, mania, EDs, depression, trauma… they all have coalesced into one. All of the persons, all the mental chaos, all the physical and emotional pain.

I can support; I can care; I can love (love love love). But I cannot heal.

I cannot, I am not capable, the power and/or ability does not exist within me, in this vessel that I inhabit, to heal. That is their choice, that is their journey, and that is their success or failure.

I must lay down my arms. I must still the battle cry. I must put aside the guilt and the self-blame. I am a bystander in this age old drama; I am merely an observer.

I am a witness. (This is not in vain.)

For all those who are family, friends, and companions of ones who are suffering and fighting and persevering through mental illness and recovery. Your efforts are not in vain.

I include myself in all aspects of that.


About Quinn

In it but not of it. A reformed player, now watcher. Speaker of raw truths.


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Raison d’etre

"Raw," she said. "I want something primal. I want something bare and naked. I want you to give me this life raw, unbidden, unhidden, free, fair, and true. Can you do that? Can you do that for me?"

One may only try.

April 2013
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